Arshi Khan

Though it’s hard to trust Internet reviews on clubs, at this point we had nothing to lose. Punchline had found a “30-and-up” club called “Nord.” The webpage wasn’t too sparkling so we assumed it probably catered to wrinkly grannies and geriatrics in girdles. Fuck it. “Actually, take us to Nord,” I told the driver. Nord was perfect: hot Danish women, awesome music, and people our age. It was listed as "30 and up,” but they only checked IDs if you looked under the age of twenty-four. The majority of the people there looked between 27-35. Punchline and I ordered ten-dollar beers, and I approached the first attractive woman I saw: a 5’11 blonde dressed in all pink, big rack, slim waste, perfect skin—a 9 at least. I’d given up on being normal; I tried it, but it just wasn’t me. I stood in front of her, pointed to her feet, and began, “Are you American?” She smiled. “No, why?" “I’ve never seen a Danish girl whose toenails were painted blue.” Five minutes later we were making out. Her name. My father had done so, emulating my grandfather’s history in the first world war. According to my granny, this had a devastating effect on my father’s life. Dad was never the same after he returned home. Much as I despised him, I always tried to imagine the horrors of war on a seventeen-year-old-mind.After this revelation, I decided to spare Patrizio the rest of the tragedy of my parent’s unsuccessful marriage, which lead to my mother’s tragic death at the age of fifty after the hell she had to endure.In one of my less glorious moments in life, I had chased my father away when he attempted to attend my mother’s funeral, a few years after they had got divorced.To quote me, on that ignominious occasion, I addressed my father loudly in the church and yelled: “Get the fuck out of here, arsehole! Have you come to see your handiwork?... Please fuck off and show some decorum.”“Amazingly, I did get on speaking terms with Lionel after that, a year before his death,” I added, in an attempt to.
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